Deep Thought

I've been thinking a lot lately. If you know how I've been, you might think that my thinking phase has had a negative impact on me. In some ways it has, I've sorta lost some of the life I used to boast with my friends. But I've discovered some new things that I've had time to think about. I have figured some things out, I know why some things affected me the way they did, and I just discovered some things about life in general. My mellow slump has not gone totally in vain.

That being said, I hope I recover soon. The problem with being in this state is that I'm not always happy. I like being happy, but sometimes I just can't be happy, especially when I'm thinking. I don't always think about the happiest things, and as a result I'm a dull and lifeless walking body. I think I've brought the impression that I'm becoming depressed, but I'm not. I'm just thinking.

I guess it sorta started when I was sick. Being isolated for so long (5 days) took a toll on me. I've never had this feeling before. I can make it through summer and winter, but not 5 days? I don't know. I missed my friends more than I had ever before, even though I knew I'd be back soon. I don't know why.

But another thing that made me sorta sulky was just I thought my place in my circle of friends had become unmissed. I don't know why I came to this conclusion but I just felt lonely. I felt like I really didn't need to be there and my appearance was just another person returning from a sickness, like they could have done without me. I have no idea why I came to this conclusion, because I know I'm being a selfish son-of-a-bitch thinking such things. I'm such a suck.

I just thought I needed to write something today. I didn't have anything else to write about because today was overall pretty pointless. I'm sorry but the only reason I go to school now is to see my friend(s). Whatever I'll get over it.